All tagged life hacks

Don't Allow Self Doubt To Be Your Biggest Thief

Would you let a thief in your house? Would you go away on holiday and leave all your doors unlocked? Would you leave your car unlocked outside your house after hearing your neighbour's car had recently been stolen? NO!

Yet many of us allow the biggest thief of our success, happiness, confidence and achievements come into our head – the thief we know as SELF DOUBT!

 When self-doubt creeps in and we give it attention and power over us, we lose momentum, we stop taking action, we hold ourselves back, we angst, worry and fret. Then what happens….?

-       OUR SELF DOUBT WINS

Instead of planning, trying, making decisions, taking risks, getting excited and taking action, we stay put, we stay ‘safe’, we STAY STUCK!

Self doubt is the biggest obstacle we face. Not financial, not time, not circumstances, ability or opportunity. WE stop ourselves. We must get out of our own way!

 So how do we stop our self-doubt?

When that voice kicks in feeding us all the self-doubting worries, we need to recognise it and consciously turn our thoughts into solution mode – “What can I do to make sure it does work?” “What steps can I take to make sure I do succeed?” “How can I make myself even more foolproof with this plan?”

Instead of spending energy and effort on worrying about the ‘what if’s’, we focus that same energy and effort into how we can minimise and/or overcome the possible obstacles, and therefore succeed, grow in confidence and self belief, feel happier, motivated, and achieve our goals. All much more positive than staying stuck in our self-induced mud of self doubt!

Solution thinking takes back control. Worrying diminishes our control.

Concluding tip:

Refuse to be a victim of your own thoughts. Instead, get out of your own way and take back control.


Life Coaching On The Move - Launch of my free, weekly, motivational podcast.

I am so pleased to be able to announce the release of my free, weekly podcast packed full with tips, techniques and strategies that you can use in your everyday life to grow your inner confidence and self belief.

Full of stories and examples from 1000’s of coaching clients on similar journeys, I aim to bring all my topics to life, make them easy to understand, inspiring and motivational. The podcast will encourage and support your development so you can become the person you want to be, feel the way you want to feel and achieve everything you have only previously hoped to achieve.

If you like, please rate and review it if you get a second. It will help others to find it and benefit in the same way as you. Or, if you feel it appropriate, please ‘Share’ the link on your social media so your friends can have a listen and benefit. I have included the link below.

I really hope you like it. Let me know if there are any topics you would especially like covered.

Thank you so much!

https://anchor.fm/dawn-fiske

Could your life be one long experiment?

Imagine for a moment that your philosophical belief wholeheartedly was that “life is a series of experiments.” What would your life be like with this approach? How would it be different and how would you react to events that came your way with this steadfast mindset?

Would it be better? I think so. I feel I would be more adventurous and much more willing to try new things. I suspect I would react differently when things didn’t turn out so well, too. Surely, for any of us adopting this mindset, we would dip our toe and try far more things, whether it is activities, foods, sports, experiences, sexual activity, reading material, places to visit - and the list goes on…

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and have come to the conclusion that if I try approaching everything that comes my way as ‘an experiment', then if it goes well, it’s a success, fun, tasty, or rewarding, then I have discovered something positive and new and will therefore embrace and repeat it. If, on the other hand, it is not such a positive outcome, then I won’t beat myself up or regret it, but merely see it as the result of my experimental approach to life, accepting that it wasn’t great, learn from it, and just move on. I won’t hang on to the negativity and dwell on it, nor would I turn the opportunity down in the first place.

So I’m going to try it…. How about you?

Become your own coach

A question for you…..

How do you know when you’ve done a really good job? Or, how do you know when you look really good in a new outfit?

Some of you will say it’s because your boss or customer has told you so and you’ve received really good feedback. Or that your husband, friend or parent told you. These people are “external validators” - they rely on external validation to confirm how well they look or how well they are doing.

Others will reply with something along the lines of, “I just know, I know I have checked the work through thoroughly, that I’ve put in lots of hard work and effort, I’ve taken my time and I just know it is good” or, “I just feel really comfortable in the outfit and look in the mirror and if I love what I see, then that’s good enough for me".” They are internal validators - relying much more on their own internal measures of how well they are doing in life.

There is no right or wrong, but the downside to needing largely external validation comes when you are in a relationship with someone that just doesn’t naturally give compliments, or work for a boss that doesn’t see the need to give constant feedback/praise, or doesn’t know how. In these instances, we feel unsure of how we are doing, we can feel lost, uncomfortable, vulnerable, uncertain, very unhappy, and starved.

So when working with clients who feel this way because they rely heavily on external validation and just aren't receiving it, then we work towards them strengthening their “internal validator,” or internal coach or friend. The client learns to self coaching each time they have completed an important task by asking themselves the following questions:

1. What did I do well?

2) What, if I could turn the clock back, would I do differently?”

3) What will I do more of in the future?

At first this feels difficult and uncomfortable, but with time it becomes easier and incredibly helpful. By building and strengthening their "internal coach muscle" they are far less dependent on others and much better equipped with increased confidence and self acceptance. Don't get me wrong, most of us enjoy receiving the odd compliment, appreciation or praise, but once we have learnt to do that genuinely for ourselves, then we can take that internal coach with us wherever we go and use it with whatever we are facing and that has to be a good thing.

Don't stay stuck in the mud

What is inner resilience? Why is it that some people cope with difficult times and life struggles better than others. What's the difference, and how do they do it?

The answer is that 'resilient people' don't stay stuck in the swamp of the problem. They don't focus on the "why is this happening?" or "why me?"

Instead, resilient people focus on the "how am I going to get out of this?" or, "what can I do to solve this/improve this?"

They go into solution mode and problem solving, they look ahead to when and how things can improve. They take action, make decisions, have goals and look forward rather than dwell on the present problem exclusively.

Sometimes we all need to wallow a little, but there comes a time when we need to get out of the mud and start to move forward. The question is, how soon do we want to do that?

Live with the end in mind

Sadly yesterday I attended the funeral of, and said goodbye to, a truly lovely 86 year old family friend. He had become something of a Grandfather figure to our boys, and a father figure to me following the loss of my own Dad four years ago.

But he’d lived a great life and up until just recently had been very active, healthy, full of fun, laughter and projects! As I sat listening to his eulogy and reflected on what I am going to miss most about him I wondered what people might say at my funeral when the time comes.

The advantage of foresight is that we can steer that ship now in the direction we want it to go in. What do we want people to read out when our time comes? What kind of character do we want to be remembered as?

I would love them to say that I was always smiling, upbeat and optimistic in life. That I was full of energy and a go getter. That it didn’t matter what you asked of me, I would always try and help. That I cared deeply about my family and friends and would always put them first - and because I know that is how I want to be remembered, I need to remind myself of that now and absolutely ensure that is how I live my life.

What would I like them to regale about what I did, where I went, how I spent my life? Again, I know I would like them to read interesting words, tell funny stories, remember great places or things I had accomplished. What I am saying is I would love for them to be able to read about a well and full lived life with lots of variety and interesting times - and again, I need to remind myself of that now……. just as I am settling down on the sofa every night to watch rubbish TV and waste evening after evening!!

Yesterday’s funeral was a celebration of a life well lived by a man who had a deeply warm heart, a huge sense of humour, was interesting, funny, full of life, a passion for travelling the world and was a true gentleman. I hope he was proud of his achievements, of how he lived his life, and who he was as a person and I hope when my time comes I will be equally as proud because if we all live now with the end in mind we can benefit from the power of foresight and be the people we want to be remembered as, and live the life we want retold to the generations we leave behind.

Don't Tell Me the Score

A shorter post today. I really just wanted to share an excellent Podcast I have been listening to lately. It is by Simon Mundie, entitled “Don’t Tell Me the Score” and is free via the BBC’s Radio 4 page.

It’s definitely worth a listen to and you truly do NOT have to be sporty to gain loads of insights, tips and thought provoking facts learnt through sport that can help us all in everyday life. I have learnt facts to help with leadership, performance management, motivation, overcoming fear, sleep and rest, how vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness , how managing your mind is crucial to happiness and success, and information around the nutrition that will help us get the most out of our day, amongst many other things - and there are many more episodes to come yet apparently. So give it a go, even my 16 year old son has inadvertently learnt lessons from it when I have left it playing on our car journeys, and you can’t teach teenagers anything!