Fear Doesn't Stop Death, It Stops Life
It's in our DNA to be on the constant lookout for threats and danger; it kept our ancestors safe from attack and enabled them to survive and ultimately pass down their genes to us.
But in our modern society, there are fewer physical threats from wild animals, rival tribesmen trying to steal our food, or the elements causing havoc in our shelters and camps. Today, our threats are more thought-based; worries about possible risks associated with taking chances, our actions and decisions, or fear and reluctance to step out of our comfort zones (or self-induced prisons, as I often refer to them with my clients!) We waste hours anguishing about whether we are good enough, trying to second-guess what others might think about us, unsure whether we should or shouldn't do something, go out with someone, apply for a particular job, or move to a new home.
In these times, fear and uncertainty can have a paralysing effect; holding us back from truly embracing life and all the incredible experiences it can bring. It doesn't prevent death, it prevents us from truly living. Fear causes our comfort zones to shrink, and we often find ourselves stuck in a cycle of avoidance in the mistaken belief that "at least we are safe." But a 'safe life' doesn't necessarily equate to a fulfilled life, often quite the opposite.
Indeed, the yearning for 'safety' can be a huge barrier to our willingness to embrace opportunities for new experiences and growth, relationships that could enrich our lives, experiences that might broaden our perspectives, and moments that might provide memories that we would hold dear forever.
But how can we embrace vulnerability, whilst at the same time acknowledging that fear will always be present? One approach I find helpful when working with clients is to help them accept that fear will always be close; and that it needs to be because it is a very normal aspect of being human. I remind them that brave people don't take risks because they are without fear - far from it; they take risks DESPITE their fear and uncertainty. Once we reframe fear, we find that it doesn't control us - in fact, we can control it! I am often encouraged by the knowledge that 'courage loves action......' and that fear, risk, and uncertainty should not be barriers to experiencing life to the full.
Ultimately, by acknowledging and accepting our fears as a normal human emotion, but knowing that it doesn't have to control us, that we can take risks anyway; that we need to try new things and push ourselves even though we feel apprehensive, scared, nervous, or uncertain; we open ourselves up to the possibility of growth, true fulfillment, and genuine happiness. We can take our fear with us, and we quickly find that as we overcome each challenge and embrace new experiences, then, and only then, do we get a step closer to a life well-lived and start to truly thrive. We leave behind a life of limiting ourselves, and feeling unfulfilled, yet 'safe.' Rather than sleep-walking through life, merely surviving and staying small, we grab life, shake it up, and get so much more from it - and I know which one appeals to me more!
We will never be without fear but by 'doing it anyway' the fear becomes less controlling, and not as limiting. Our sense of control expands, our pride soars, our doors open, and our life is happier That has got to be a better life and one we will be proud of and grateful for when the inevitable end arrives.
That brings me to my second favourite quote: "No Risk, No Story." Enjoy writing your story.
