All tagged self belief

What Do Your Two Wolves Tell You?

What Do Your Two Wolves Tell You?

Dawn Fiske
Negative Self Talk, Self Doubt, Overcoming Self Doubt, Pushing Through Fear, Well Being

The North American Indians believe that we all have two wolves in our head; the good, helpful, empowering and encouraging wolf, and the unhelpful, critical, disempowering, negative wolf. Each go with us wherever we go. Each talk to us and try and pull us into their way of thinking, battling with each other to win. Here is how the story goes:

An old Cherokee grandfather is telling his grandson a story. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said. ”It is a terrible fight between two wolves. One is evil — he is anger, envy, greed, arrogance, resentment, lies, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good — he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The wolves are fighting to the death.

Wide-eyed, the boy asks his grandfather which wolf will win.
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

This is so true. We must decide which one we want to “feed”. Listen to the internal chatterbox that is trying to help you, push you forward, encourage and develop you and feed it, and we must ignore and override the voice that is trying to keep us in a little prison, too scared to try anything, fearful of what others might think, catastrophising and worrying. We need to starve the bad wolf, ignore it and refuse to let it win.

What is holding you down?

What is holding you down?

Dawn Fiske
Moving Forward, Overcoming Limitations, Overcoming Obstacles, Self Imposed Limitations, Free Yourself, Empowerment

Each of us have certain things that hold us down somewhat. A little like tent pegs holding down a tent, we all have things in life that ‘tie us down’ - family ties, career commitments, relationships, financial commitments, and so on. These things help give us a sense of purpose, focus, drive and confirmation that we are needed - and as such they are good things (although sometimes it might not always feel that way).

But when I work with clients, I sometimes find there are far more “tent pegs” in their life, pinning them down, holding the back, stopping them from moving forward. What are these tent pegs???

Perceived obstacles, fears, what if’s, doubt, false negative beliefs, self created blocks. Whether it is the belief that they “don’t have enough time”, “can’t afford it”, they are “ just not capable/skilled/clever enough”, etc., etc.

So what are the false “tent pegs” in your life? What is stopping you, holding you back? Completing the following statements quickly, and see what comes out for you:

  1. I’m too……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….……

  2. I’m not ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….…

  3. I can’t ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  4. I need …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

  5. If only ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

By completing the above statements, without giving them too much thought, you will find what your “obstacles” or hurdles are. Now you need to do some very real soul searching and decide whether these are real ‘tent pegs’, or whether in fact they are merely limiting beliefs, self sabotage, self doubt, fear, insecurity, the what if’s, and excuses.

If that is the case, great news. Celebrate! False obstacles and limiting beliefs can most definitely be overcome and freedom from them is just around the corner. Awareness is half the battle, and that is where you find yourself now.

The final stage is freeing yourself and pulling those “tent pegs” from the ground. You can do this via many routes. Try working on them with a close friend or mentor or enlist the help of a Coach - but DO work on them.

Imagine how life will be when you have. What will you be doing that you are not currently doing? What can you achieve, experience, have or become, that you currently are not?

For further thoughts and tips, listen to our free “Life Coaching on the Move” Podcast, where you will find many personal growth subjects, examples, stories and shared experiences, strategies and methods, to underpin your development and progress , and keep you moving towards change and improvement.

https://anchor.fm/dawn-fiske

Don't Allow Self Doubt To Be Your Biggest Thief

Don't Allow Self Doubt To Be Your Biggest Thief

Dawn Fiske
Self Doubts, Overcoming Self Doubt, Overcoming Self Doubts, Empowering Self Improveme, Freedom From Self Doubt, Freedom

Would you let a thief in your house? Would you go away on holiday and leave all your doors unlocked? Would you leave your car unlocked outside your house after hearing your neighbour's car had recently been stolen? NO!

Yet many of us allow the biggest thief of our success, happiness, confidence and achievements come into our head – the thief we know as SELF DOUBT!

 When self-doubt creeps in and we give it attention and power over us, we lose momentum, we stop taking action, we hold ourselves back, we angst, worry and fret. Then what happens….?

-       OUR SELF DOUBT WINS

Instead of planning, trying, making decisions, taking risks, getting excited and taking action, we stay put, we stay ‘safe’, we STAY STUCK!

Self doubt is the biggest obstacle we face. Not financial, not time, not circumstances, ability or opportunity. WE stop ourselves. We must get out of our own way!

 So how do we stop our self-doubt?

When that voice kicks in feeding us all the self-doubting worries, we need to recognise it and consciously turn our thoughts into solution mode – “What can I do to make sure it does work?” “What steps can I take to make sure I do succeed?” “How can I make myself even more foolproof with this plan?”

Instead of spending energy and effort on worrying about the ‘what if’s’, we focus that same energy and effort into how we can minimise and/or overcome the possible obstacles, and therefore succeed, grow in confidence and self belief, feel happier, motivated, and achieve our goals. All much more positive than staying stuck in our self-induced mud of self doubt!

Solution thinking takes back control. Worrying diminishes our control.

Concluding tip:

Refuse to be a victim of your own thoughts. Instead, get out of your own way and take back control.


Worrying about what others think of us is as wasteful as trying to catch the wind.

Worrying about what others think of us is as wasteful as trying to catch the wind.

Dawn Fiske
Worries, Worrying, Anxiety, Stop Worrying, Who Cares?, Other People's Opinions, It Doesn't Matter

A topic that often crops up when I’m working with clients is how much they worry about what others think of them.

As an executive coach, clients in the corporate world often worry about what their colleagues, clients or managers think of how they presented in front of an audience, what they thought about the comments or contributions they made during a meeting, or what their colleagues think when they can hear them on the phone having a difficult conversation with a customer. Some worry so much that they will do their best to avoid the situation. Waiting until the office is almost un-manned before making a call, not speaking up in a meeting at all if they can avoid it, getting out of making a presentation and missing the chance to impress.

Teenagers that I work with often assume friends or classmates are talking about them, judging them negatively, even laughing about them behind their backs.

1:1 clients mention many different scenarios that fill them with angst and worry, whether it is about their friends, family members, or colleagues judging them when they do something. They even worry about what total strangers will think of them.

This angst is exhausting, damaging, confidence draining and more often than not, misplaced.

The reality is we are really not that important. People have far more important things of their own to focus on - why do we think we are that interesting? Others are often just too busy to give us a great deal of thought. Perhaps a minute or two, if that, before moving on to more important things in their own lives.

And when they do think about us at all, it is often, in reality, not at all the sorts of thoughts we fear they are thinking. We are far more judgmental and harder on ourselves than other people are about us.

But more importantly, we cannot change what others do or don't think about us. None of us are going to be liked by everyone. Even the nicest people in the world annoy some - and that's absolutely OK.

We need to feel comfortable with not being accepted by everyone, by not being liked by all. When I first started running workshops, or presenting to large audiences and more recently, posting blogs - I too felt scared about some people not liking what I said, how I presented, who I was, what I wrote about, or how. It is frightening and we can feel very vulnerable. But it feels so much better when we feel comfortable being uncomfortable, when we stop trying to please and instead just do our best, be honest and authentic, and know that that is all we can do. Those that respond well to us are exactly the people we would like to be around, and those that don't will respond better to others. That too is OK.

There is room for us all out there, we just need to stop trying too hard and cut ourselves some slack. In fact the harshest critic we are ever going to meet is our self - but this one we can influence and change.