All tagged overcoming self doubt

My Much Loved Companions

My Much Loved Companions

Dawn Fiske

For those of you who have listened to my “Life Coaching On The Move” Podcast, this is Millie and Ashe, my two trusted friends who join me on the woodland walks where I record most episodes.

For any who haven’t yet listened, please feel free to join me and pick up hundreds of tips, techniques, thoughts, stories, and examples that you can apply in your own life in order to grow your inner confidence and self-belief and feel much more in control of your emotions. I truly hope you find it helpful.

You can find it on any of the podcast platforms by searching “Life Coaching On The Move by Dawn Fiske, or by visiting: https://anchor.fm/dawn-fiske

Alternatively, you can now listen via YouTube by visiting: https://www.youtube.com/user/MilestoneCoaching/playlists?view_as=subscriber

What is holding you down?

What is holding you down?

Dawn Fiske
Moving Forward, Overcoming Limitations, Overcoming Obstacles, Self Imposed Limitations, Free Yourself, Empowerment

Each of us have certain things that hold us down somewhat. A little like tent pegs holding down a tent, we all have things in life that ‘tie us down’ - family ties, career commitments, relationships, financial commitments, and so on. These things help give us a sense of purpose, focus, drive and confirmation that we are needed - and as such they are good things (although sometimes it might not always feel that way).

But when I work with clients, I sometimes find there are far more “tent pegs” in their life, pinning them down, holding the back, stopping them from moving forward. What are these tent pegs???

Perceived obstacles, fears, what if’s, doubt, false negative beliefs, self created blocks. Whether it is the belief that they “don’t have enough time”, “can’t afford it”, they are “ just not capable/skilled/clever enough”, etc., etc.

So what are the false “tent pegs” in your life? What is stopping you, holding you back? Completing the following statements quickly, and see what comes out for you:

  1. I’m too……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….……

  2. I’m not ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….…

  3. I can’t ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

  4. I need …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

  5. If only ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

By completing the above statements, without giving them too much thought, you will find what your “obstacles” or hurdles are. Now you need to do some very real soul searching and decide whether these are real ‘tent pegs’, or whether in fact they are merely limiting beliefs, self sabotage, self doubt, fear, insecurity, the what if’s, and excuses.

If that is the case, great news. Celebrate! False obstacles and limiting beliefs can most definitely be overcome and freedom from them is just around the corner. Awareness is half the battle, and that is where you find yourself now.

The final stage is freeing yourself and pulling those “tent pegs” from the ground. You can do this via many routes. Try working on them with a close friend or mentor or enlist the help of a Coach - but DO work on them.

Imagine how life will be when you have. What will you be doing that you are not currently doing? What can you achieve, experience, have or become, that you currently are not?

For further thoughts and tips, listen to our free “Life Coaching on the Move” Podcast, where you will find many personal growth subjects, examples, stories and shared experiences, strategies and methods, to underpin your development and progress , and keep you moving towards change and improvement.

https://anchor.fm/dawn-fiske

Don't Allow Self Doubt To Be Your Biggest Thief

Don't Allow Self Doubt To Be Your Biggest Thief

Dawn Fiske
Self Doubts, Overcoming Self Doubt, Overcoming Self Doubts, Empowering Self Improveme, Freedom From Self Doubt, Freedom

Would you let a thief in your house? Would you go away on holiday and leave all your doors unlocked? Would you leave your car unlocked outside your house after hearing your neighbour's car had recently been stolen? NO!

Yet many of us allow the biggest thief of our success, happiness, confidence and achievements come into our head – the thief we know as SELF DOUBT!

 When self-doubt creeps in and we give it attention and power over us, we lose momentum, we stop taking action, we hold ourselves back, we angst, worry and fret. Then what happens….?

-       OUR SELF DOUBT WINS

Instead of planning, trying, making decisions, taking risks, getting excited and taking action, we stay put, we stay ‘safe’, we STAY STUCK!

Self doubt is the biggest obstacle we face. Not financial, not time, not circumstances, ability or opportunity. WE stop ourselves. We must get out of our own way!

 So how do we stop our self-doubt?

When that voice kicks in feeding us all the self-doubting worries, we need to recognise it and consciously turn our thoughts into solution mode – “What can I do to make sure it does work?” “What steps can I take to make sure I do succeed?” “How can I make myself even more foolproof with this plan?”

Instead of spending energy and effort on worrying about the ‘what if’s’, we focus that same energy and effort into how we can minimise and/or overcome the possible obstacles, and therefore succeed, grow in confidence and self belief, feel happier, motivated, and achieve our goals. All much more positive than staying stuck in our self-induced mud of self doubt!

Solution thinking takes back control. Worrying diminishes our control.

Concluding tip:

Refuse to be a victim of your own thoughts. Instead, get out of your own way and take back control.


Worrying about what others think of us is as wasteful as trying to catch the wind.

Worrying about what others think of us is as wasteful as trying to catch the wind.

Dawn Fiske
Worries, Worrying, Anxiety, Stop Worrying, Who Cares?, Other People's Opinions, It Doesn't Matter

A topic that often crops up when I’m working with clients is how much they worry about what others think of them.

As an executive coach, clients in the corporate world often worry about what their colleagues, clients or managers think of how they presented in front of an audience, what they thought about the comments or contributions they made during a meeting, or what their colleagues think when they can hear them on the phone having a difficult conversation with a customer. Some worry so much that they will do their best to avoid the situation. Waiting until the office is almost un-manned before making a call, not speaking up in a meeting at all if they can avoid it, getting out of making a presentation and missing the chance to impress.

Teenagers that I work with often assume friends or classmates are talking about them, judging them negatively, even laughing about them behind their backs.

1:1 clients mention many different scenarios that fill them with angst and worry, whether it is about their friends, family members, or colleagues judging them when they do something. They even worry about what total strangers will think of them.

This angst is exhausting, damaging, confidence draining and more often than not, misplaced.

The reality is we are really not that important. People have far more important things of their own to focus on - why do we think we are that interesting? Others are often just too busy to give us a great deal of thought. Perhaps a minute or two, if that, before moving on to more important things in their own lives.

And when they do think about us at all, it is often, in reality, not at all the sorts of thoughts we fear they are thinking. We are far more judgmental and harder on ourselves than other people are about us.

But more importantly, we cannot change what others do or don't think about us. None of us are going to be liked by everyone. Even the nicest people in the world annoy some - and that's absolutely OK.

We need to feel comfortable with not being accepted by everyone, by not being liked by all. When I first started running workshops, or presenting to large audiences and more recently, posting blogs - I too felt scared about some people not liking what I said, how I presented, who I was, what I wrote about, or how. It is frightening and we can feel very vulnerable. But it feels so much better when we feel comfortable being uncomfortable, when we stop trying to please and instead just do our best, be honest and authentic, and know that that is all we can do. Those that respond well to us are exactly the people we would like to be around, and those that don't will respond better to others. That too is OK.

There is room for us all out there, we just need to stop trying too hard and cut ourselves some slack. In fact the harshest critic we are ever going to meet is our self - but this one we can influence and change.

Get out of your own way

Get out of your own way

Dawn Fiske
Life Coaching, mental health, Just Do It, Take Steps, Take Action, Become a Go Getter, Obstacles, Go For It, Start Now, Take The First Step, Beginning

What's stopping you? Many of us plan to make changes, start something new, do something, achieve something or take a risk, but then closely follow it with an excuse about why we can't do it now. We tell ourselves that we are waiting for the right time or the right circumstances - but there never is a "perfect" time. Perhaps it is really just avoidance, fear, or an excuse? Don't wait for the perfect time - it will never come. Don't tell yourself reasons why not - look for the reasons why you should/must do it - right now! Take just one action step to start the momentum, don't over think it - just do it, without any more fears, doubts and excuses. The truth is the only thing that stops us doing something is us! Don't get in your own way.

Don't stay stuck in the mud

Don't stay stuck in the mud

Dawn Fiske
Life Coaching, Resilience, Bouncing Back, Thriving, Coping Under Pressure, Coping Strategies, Adversity, Coping With Adversity, Coping With Setbacks, Coming Back Stronger, Inner Strength, Inner Resilience, Building Resilience

What is inner resilience? Why is it that some people cope with difficult times and life struggles better than others. What's the difference, and how do they do it?

The answer is that 'resilient people' don't stay stuck in the swamp of the problem. They don't focus on the "why is this happening?" or "why me?"

Instead, resilient people focus on the "how am I going to get out of this?" or, "what can I do to solve this/improve this?"

They go into solution mode and problem solving, they look ahead to when and how things can improve. They take action, make decisions, have goals and look forward rather than dwell on the present problem exclusively.

Sometimes we all need to wallow a little, but there comes a time when we need to get out of the mud and start to move forward. The question is, how soon do we want to do that?

What's in your 'bank?'

What's in your 'bank?'

Dawn Fiske
Pushing Through, Pushing Our Limits, Self Expansion, Growth, Growing, Boundaries, Personal Capabailities

Watching the thousands of amazing people take part in today’s London Marathon inspired me so much. What true grit they all had, such determination, mental strength, and phenomenal spirit.

Anyone that has ever completed a marathon will remember their first (and possibly last!) time. It isn’t just about the actual day of the run, it’s the months’ of work beforehand that equally deserve admiration. The terror when you hear yourself agreeing to sign up and then all the work that follows; finding a training plan and importing that into your calendar, seeing all the runs mapped out in black and white in the looming weeks and months ahead, seeing the distance and speed increasing on that plan, and then the reality of actually following it. The painful limbs, the blistered feet, the black toe nails, the sleepless nights dreading the next morning’s scheduled ‘long run’ as you push the distance up and venture into unchartered waters, and the sober evenings out when you have to hold back from the booze because of the looming miles you’ve got to put in the next day.

Then there is the psychological battle; the self doubt of “what if I can’t do it?” The dread of “how much is it going to hurt?” - and it will hurt!! The tears throughout the training, the doubt, the fear of the unknown and the doubting of your ability to rise to the challenge. Oh, and then there is the fund raising for the charity that is so close to your heart, and the pressure of not letting them down.

For all those reasons I applaud every single person that entered the London Marathon - not forgetting those who were due to, but couldn’t take part today because of injuries and illness encountered as a result of the training, and who watched with the mixed emotions of real sadness, envy and perhaps even a little relief.

They can all feel so incredibly proud of themselves. They took it on, worked hard, made physical and psychological sacrifices, pushed themselves, got out of their comfort zones, battled in mind and body and found what they were capable of. Well done to each and every one of them.

But we don’t have to enter a Marathon to do all of that. We can find our own challenge and make ourselves get out of our comfort zones by doing many other things, pushing and challenging ourselves, showing real commitment, overcoming self doubt, and finding out what we are capable of, too. By doing so, we find out what we are made of, feel unbelievably proud of ourselves, come alive and energised and, more than anything, can draw on the accomplishment in the future whenever we have a moment of doubt or fear.

For example, only a couple of weeks ago I was coaching a teenager who had just returned from 5 days in Wales completing her D of E Gold Medal and she proudly told me with a massive grin across her face that “When I first put my huge back pack on I struggled to even walk across the car park and genuinely doubted that I would ever be able to carry it for five days over miles and miles of Wales - but I did, and I am SO impressed with myself.” Quite right, too - she has every reason to be.

It really can be anything - but pushing what we think are our boundaries and limits and finding that in fact they weren’t is such a powerful tool and can help us in the future in so many ways. We can ‘bank’ those accomplishments as credits and draw on them anytime in our future when we have a little (or large) wobble, a moment of self belief, or find ourselves truly out of our comfort zone. It is those times when we can tell ourselves with real conviction, “come on, I can do this - I managed to do XYZ, so I know I can do this….” and it really works. This is probably over-sharing, but I even got through childbirth this way by me drawing on the fact that I had managed to complete a huge bicycle challenge a few years previously, in aid of MENCAP, over 500km in China - so I know this strategy works.

What’s in your ‘bank of accomplishments’ and how many more credits can you work towards investing in the future by stepping out of your comfort zone, challenging yourself in some way, facing your fears and pushing your limits? It is so worth it, both at the time but also for future use.

Good luck and enjoy the challenges.