Failing Is A Good Thing - Here’s Why
I have had the pleasure of working with many teenagers over the last few weeks. Most of them are 16 years old and are working with me as they approach their GCSE Mock Exams. Many of them are struggling with low confidence and self-belief, some are also trying to improve their focus, motivation, and organisational & time management skills. All of them fear failure!
Recently, during a session with one teenager, we focused on her reluctance to put her hand up in class and just have a ‘stab at the question’. Her Mum had already told me that the school had regularly flagged this up as an area of concern, and development.
I asked my young client what was stopping her from just having a go, and she shared that she was petrified of getting the answer wrong……… because it would make her a failure.
We talked at length about how she felt towards her classmates when they answered a question incorrectly, and she realised she had no strong feelings, either way and didn’t pass judgment on them.
We spent a long time looking into her feelings about her own ‘failings’ - something she wanted to avoid at all costs, whether it was failing an exam, or simply failing to answer a classroom question correctly.
I set about re-framing her views on what ‘failing’ meant in her mind. I asked her to recall a time when she had recently answered a question correctly and, other than feeling relieved at knowing the answer, what did she actually learn about the subject by answering the question correctly?” She took some time to think it through and then admitted, “Nothing really, I already knew the subject.”
What then had she learned when she had not known the answer to a question and answered incorrectly or “failed”? There was a hint of a smile when the penny dropped and she had to admit that in fact, she had learned far more by getting it wrong. She had ‘filled a gap in her knowledge,” rather than just confirming what she already knew.
She could clearly now see that by changing how she viewed “failing” she could learn so much more, and that, in turn, would ironically help her to succeed! ‘Failing’ was in fact a good thing. ‘Failing’ increased her chances of ultimately succeeding and rather than see it as the enemy, she can now see it as her friend and ally in learning.
She understands that we have to embrace ‘not knowing’. We have to reframe instances where we ‘don’t know the answer’ as an opportunity to gain new information, and a chance to broaden our knowledge.
I shared with her the words of my teacher from many years ago:
“It is not a bad thing to fail. Instead, see a FAIL as the FIRST ATTEMPT IN LEARNING.”
